Like most desk jockeys, I pass my downtime at work watching Youtube videos. My watch history is full of baby animals, Jennifer Lawrence interviews, knitting tutorials, and of course, pro wrestling clips. Since I didn’t watch wrestling for a few years before crawling back in 2010, many wrestling clips on Youtube lack context for me, but in some cases, that doesn’t make them any less enjoyable. And no clip in my history exemplifies that more than the WWE NXT Season 4 segment, “How Well Do You Know Your Pro?”
For those who, like me, aren’t regular NXT watchers, “How Well Do You Know Your Pro?” is a Newlywed Game-esque challenge wherein the rookies (i.e. the up-and-coming wrestlers from FCW) are asked a series of questions, and their answers must match whatever their pros (i.e. their mentors) wrote down. The winner then goes on to receive immunity points, which I imagine will come in handy at a later date.
As a Divasearch refugee, I was initially skeptical of this game’s entertainment value. I still cringe whenever I remember Kristal’s attempt at bodypainting that ended up with her making a sloppy Sherman Williams angel on a giant canvas. Watching people behave awkwardly or fail spectacularly is part of the allure of most reality competition shows, and as I’ve grown older, I find that I can’t stomach that sort of thing anymore. That being said, I should have known that a segment with Dolph Ziggler, Alberto Del Rio, and Daniel Bryan could never be bad. So here are the five reasons why I can’t stop watching this two-year-old clip.
A stated previously, I’m not a regular NXT watcher, so imagine my initial confusion and delight at Conor O’Brian’s entire existence.
This guy is serving some Verminous Skumm realness. He resembles a rat, and rather than allow his pro, Alberto Del Rio, to use it as a point of ridicule, he wholeheartedly embraces it. Seriously, look at his shirt. It doesn’t say “Raticate,” which is how I had originally read it, which nearly made me create a f—kyeahconorobrian tumblr. It says “Ratitude”, which is even better (doublef—ckyeahconorobrian tumblr forthcoming). I want his confidence. I also want to feed him cheese.
4) Dolph Ziggler. Always.
Put Dolph Ziggler in front of a camera, and I will never, ever be bored.
When Striker asks the pros what they thought when they first saw their rookie, Byron guesses that Dolph thought he was “tan”. Never missing an opportunity to be a jerk, Dolph reveals his answer.
My personal favorite Dolph moment isn’t even related to Byron. Later on, when Striker asks the pros what careers they think their rookies should pursue outside of sportz entertainment, Conor O’Brian guesses that Alberto thinks he should be working at a circus. Listen to Dolph LAUGH HIS ASS OFF in the background. It’s delightful and utterly infectious.
Also, that laugh has to have been completely unscripted. Please no one tell me any different. Let me believe.
3) Maryse’s complete lack of interest
Ted Dibiase, Jr. dated Maryse for a while because who wouldn’t. Since storyline girlfriends tend to accompany their men everywhere, this means that Maryse also mentored pre-funkasaurus Brodus Clay. And just… look at that expression on her face. She has zero f—ks to give about anything going on around her. Who keeps booking her for these gigs? Why can’t she be at Roberto Cavalli’s fondue party instead?
At one point, she is distracted by her phone. I’d like to think Maryse secretly hates her bourgeois life and was sending out multiple self-aware and depressing tweets, which she deleted before Ted could see them. They probably would have read something like this:
i saw my whole life as if id already lived it. an endless parade of parties and cotillions yachts and polo matches. always the same narrow people the same mindless chatter. i felt like i was standing at a great precipice with no1 to pull me back, no1 who cared or even noticed #besexy
2) R-Truth Predicts Johnny Curtis’s Career Trajectory
Ahh, the original reason I wanted to write this post.
Striker poses the “which career should your rookie pursue” question to Johnny Curtis, whom he nearly missed the first time around. Johnny guesses R-Truth would say ‘NXT commentator’. R-Truth’s actual answer?
Johnny Curtis went on to win Season 4 of NXT. He later formed Team Rocket with Maxine in Season 5, then blended into numerous locker room and backstage scenes until recently, when he re-emerged as…
(Putting aside how we’re supposed to acknowledge Johnny Curtis and Fandango as two different people, it’s still quite a coincidence, isn’t it?)
Tune in to the post-Wrestlemania RAW for Byron Saxton’s reappearance as a Tom-Jones-loving Republican from Bel Air.
1) Derrick Bateman and Daniel Bryan
First off, from a purely libidinous standpoint, this is the best Daniel Bryan has ever looked. I tend to like my white boys tanned and clean-shaven, and given Bryan’s style history, I had no idea there was a conventionally attractive guy beneath his “dude who probably owns a unicycle” look.
Moving on, when Striker asks Bateman what he thinks Daniel Bryan thought of him when they first met, he confidently answers, “The great city of Tulsa, Oklahoma!” Which is, well, okay, not really an answer, and unfortunately—
To be honest, I’m not sure what else I could add to this. Bateman gives the least likely answer, and Bryan matches it. It’s like watching Uncle Jesse and Aunt Becky on The Perfect Couple, except the DBs are actually funny and likable. You must watch the video to truly marvel at and appreciate how they play this game. By far, they are the best part of it.
So go, watch the video now. It’s even playable for Canadians! And I’ll be here, watching it again.
Ari Amaru is a writer and educator who keeps crawling back to wrestling no matter how many times she quits out of disgust or disappointment. She has a fondness for white collar wrestlers, odd couple tag teams, and Alberto Del Rio. She can be seen currently trying to escape her Floridian habitat for less humid pastures.