Jessica’s Joshi Jaunts: Act One

22 Apr

act yasukawa2

A writer what isn’t particularly good at writing, especially introductions, would slap that photograph up and say something hackneyed like “Ambrose Bierce’s Devil’s Dictionary defines a picture as a unit of writing measurement equal to one thousand words. In lieu of ‘Holy cow, that is awesome’ repeated two hundred times, allow me instead to enumerate the splendiferous qualities of one Act Yasukawa,” and then there’d be a bunch more terrible brain-barfs haphazardly thrown onto the screen. Well, you’ve just found that awful writer so prepare your mind-brain for a terrible, full frontal lobular assault!

Cutting most of the malarkey (But not all, I need at least 18% malarkey to operate efficiently), I don’t know anything about Japanese pro wrestling, male or female (I don’t even know to call it puroresu), so I can’t compare one wrestler to another, or differentiate between a wrestler in an upper echelon promotion, or the Japanese equivalent of some creepy dude’s fetish basement. Instead, I stumble headlong into hours-long rabbit holes on Wikipedia, Tumblr and YouTube, discovering new (To me, at least) and wondrous people. It was during one of these journeys that I found the amazing Act Yasukawa, pictured above being pretty flippin’ rad, and I instantly had to find out more about her.

From what I can tell, Act Yasukawa is a rather rude lady-dude who enjoys drinking, spitting her drink upon other lady-dudes, and punch-kicking said other lady-dudes (And as with most other joshis, Act was never informed that the end goal of professional wrestling is not to savagely beat your opponent into a persistent vegetative state, so her matches consist of two or more lady-dudes kick-punching the heck outta one another for my occasionally cringing entertainment). She is supposedly rather new to wrestling, and it shows at times, but she more than makes up for it by being super awesome. Oh, she also apparently turns her missing pant leg into a decorative eye patch at times, as I’ve seen her wrestle with a quarter of her face obscured under leather. That doesn’t seem very smart considering her opponents are usually inches from straight up kicking her face off on a regular basis, but that matters not for Act Yasukawa (Probably because she’s drunk).

Even with the tiny, baby handful of matches I’ve seen, Act has her fair share of beats she likes to hit during a bout, and they are all pretty snazzy. The various Stretch Mufflers are interesting, especially when it’s off a caught head kick (Screw you, other lady, you ain’t blonkin’ Act Yasukawa’s brain THIS time!), her chest punching would make a Kyokushin black belt blush, and holy Guglielmo Marconi, her giant swing guillotine choke might be my new favorite thing (Though, to be fair, I think I find a new favorite thing about twice a month). I haven’t even brought up her perceived alcoholism, which I can totally relate to, and is quite charming. Though, I suppose it isn’t actually alcoholism since Act rarely swallows the large pulls she takes from her bottle, opting instead to spew it at her opponent (Or just upend the entire bottle on her opponent’s head, or down her throat). Regardless of this minor detail, Act and her friend, Sir Lawrence Boozeington, are the coolest and both are totally invited to my birthday party (So is anyone reading this. See you in November!).

Act, along with Natsuki* Taiyo and Saki Kashima make up Kawasaki Katsushika Saikyou Densetsu, the current World Wonder Ring Stardom Artist of Stardom champions (AKA Queens of Trios). On April 29, Act will participate in Ryogoku Cinderella, World Wonder Ring Stardom’s biggest event ever, taking on Dark Angel (Sarah Stock/Sarita) for the vacant Wonder of Stardom championship (Their secondary title). I don’t yet know of a way to watch Ryogoku Cinderella, but once I do, that’ll be the only thing I do that day. Well, that and hang out with my own Sir Lawrence Boozeington, but that’s a given for most any day.

Further viewing:

Act vs Nanae Takahashi – A really good match, with Act getting in some cool moments, though ultimately falling short.

Act vs Yuzuki Aikawa – Act wins, Act wins, Act wins! Yuzuki Aikawa is the current Wonder of Stardom champion (She is retiring at Ryogoku Cinderella, which is why Act’s match is for the vacant title, even though that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense), so this is apparently a pretty big upset for Act. Also, it’s the match where the top picture comes from, so I had to include it.

Jessica Hudnall is an amateur bloggist that wants TNA fans to stop being mean to Bellator. If you spot her in the wild (look for the Biscuits hat!), you can physically interact via the Fresh Prince of Bel Air slap-n-snap. If you follow her on Twitter, be prepared for an unhealthy amount of MMA tweets and terrible puns.


2 Responses to “Jessica’s Joshi Jaunts: Act One”

  1. Jessica Hudnall April 22, 2013 at 8:03 pm #

    Bad news. Apparently Act has ditched the weird pirate-y stuff and is now a samurai-esque lady. If she wants me to like her still, she better keep doing giant swing guillotines.

  2. alopezb5 April 24, 2013 at 2:31 pm #

    Act Yasukawa vs. CM Punk at WM30!
    Poor Punk, he might die for reals. :(

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