First Watch: One Night Stand – Extreme Rules 2007

24 Apr
Don't make that face at me, young man.

Don’t make that face at me, young man.

I am addicted to discount DVDs. As a result, I find myself the owner of many a terrible wrestling pay-per-view. Usually each DVD was purchased for a specific match that might be fun, but others I really have no excuse for. So here I am, at 4:00am, hunkered down with a cup of coffee in one hand, and One Night Stand: Extreme Rules 2007 in the DVD player.

 

I had initially set out to choose one match to write about. One of the most fun things about coming back into the wrestling fandom is playing catch-up on everything that I missed. Devouring match after match has led to some great nights of wrestling viewership. I figured this’ll be fun, right?

Then I read the back of the DVD case:

Street Fight for the ECW World Championship: Mr. McMahon vs. Bobby Lashley

Falls Count Anywhere Match for the WWE Championship Match: John Cena vs. Great Khali

Steel Cage Match for the World Heavyweight Championship: Edge vs. Batista

Tag Team Ladder Match for the World Tag Team Championship: Hardys vs. The World’s Greatest Tag Team

Stretcher Match: RVD vs. Randy Orton

Lumberjack Match: Mark Henry vs. Kane

Six-Man Tables Match: CM Punk, Tommy Dreamer, & Sandman vs. Elijah Burke, Marcus Cor Von, and Matt Striker

Pudding Match: Melina vs. Candice

For the life of me I cannot pick out what could possibly be the worst match. I also can’t imagine what would have possessed me to purchase this, even at the $4.99 price tag. So…this is a thing that’s happening! The whole DVD! I can do it, right? I can sit through whatever the heck a Pudding Match is, right?

I guess we’ll find out.

Before we dive in, I should point out that I have zero preparation for any of this. I had a vague idea from other bad pay-per-view DVDs I own that Bobby Lashley and McMahon had a thing, and that Khali was once made out to be a serious wrestler, but beyond that I have no context for any of these matches. Why does Bobby Lashley have it out for his boss? Who let Matt Striker wrestle? What kind of pudding is it? I like to think we answer the important questions here at The Mandible Claw.

 

15 Responses to “First Watch: One Night Stand – Extreme Rules 2007”

  1. Rich Wisneski April 24, 2013 at 2:29 pm #

    ONS 2005 and 2006 are two of my favorite wrestling PPV’s of all time. The level of Vince ruining something I loved (ECW) that followed 2006 was so high, it poisoned a lot of great talent for me (I still hate on Bobby Lashley, and John Morrison, and thought I hated Edge until he retired, and realized I was a fool)., and it made me put down wrestling for a few years.
    With the exception of the Dreamer, Punk, Sandman match, I’m not sure much fun can be had watching this, but I am eager to hear/see this from your cheerful perspective.

  2. Joelski April 24, 2013 at 2:41 pm #

    Monty Brown’s ‘Pounce” in TNA was hilaaarious. I think the way the announcer sold it every time always gave me a kick. I think I’m gonna go look that up now. Also, SHAAARK. Also: Personal life aside, I really emjoyed Melina as a wrestler. Sure, there was sex appeal. But more often than not, she actually looked like she belonged out there. In my opinion, of course.

    • lonestarr April 24, 2013 at 3:02 pm #

      I still don’t know what that personal life thing was about, but yeah, Melina was pretty serviceable in the ring and had some cool moves, which automatically puts her in a pretty high tier of Divas.

  3. alopezb5 April 24, 2013 at 3:13 pm #

    “After carefully making sure to have my headphones in, waking up my boyfriend with my enthusiastic rendition of Kane’s entrance music”

    Were you singing along to “Slow Chemical”!? Please say YES.

    …brb, gonna go listen to “Slow Chemical” 5x in a row.

    • alopezb5 April 24, 2013 at 3:22 pm #

      Ok, I am back, only listened to “Slow Chemical” twice. Where was I? OH WOW SHARK!!! That’s a lamp too isn’t it? I’m sure it is because I have one just like that but it is a Spongebob lamp…As a reminder, I am 25 years old, married and have a 4 month old son.

      • lonestarr April 24, 2013 at 3:30 pm #

        One should never stop being a kid at heart. :D

  4. lonestarr April 24, 2013 at 3:24 pm #

    It is kinda mindblowing that the big dumb glass cannon we knew as Batista and his rarely better than passable mic skillz & charisma (& anything else that translates to successful anything aside from bigness) is actually turning out to have a fairly legit acting career.

    • alopezb5 April 24, 2013 at 3:44 pm #

      I really got into Batista from the moment he told Rey Mysterio that he was going to RIP HIS HEAD OFF. That and Batista’s feud with Cena towards the end of his run with WWE was pretty great stuff IMO.

  5. Brad Curran April 25, 2013 at 2:30 am #

    Really enjoyed this and hope it becomes a regular thing.

  6. Josh April 25, 2013 at 2:43 pm #

    I liked Melina for most of her WWE stint. Was this match around the time she succumbed to her personal demons and stopped being good?

    Was Cena getting mega pops from the crowd or did they turn on him at this point? It’s always weird to see his match versus JBL and hear literally everyone in the building cheering for Cena.

    That was a weak HLA kiss. /Can’t believe HLA was a thing.

    Good write-up to a shitty PPV. The Edge/Batista match was my favorite part. Especially with the surprise ending.

  7. Brandon Stroud April 25, 2013 at 5:20 pm #

    I love these and would read a thousand of them.

  8. Jessica Hudnall April 25, 2013 at 7:53 pm #

    Please recreate more matches via paper dolls, thank you!

    Also, this whole thing is great.

  9. 907 April 26, 2013 at 8:09 pm #

    What Brandon said, pretty much. Please write millions of them all the time.

  10. Kevin Newburn (@KevinNewburn) May 2, 2013 at 6:07 pm #

    This was fantastic. If you do more you should limit yourself to PPVs you can find for 4.99 or less, VHS would be preferable. That way you’re really getting the cream of the crop

  11. JBShakes May 3, 2013 at 2:59 pm #

    /Pushes all of the +’s across the table.

    You win, lady. Best in the world.

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