Falls Count Anywhere Match for the WWE Championship Match: John Cena vs. Great Khali
It’s okay. I can do this. Think like Big E. Langston. Be a soldier. Act like I told ya. Deep breaths, Matheson.
I was informed earlier this morning that this is the best match of Khali’s career. I have seen enough of his matches to know that could very well be correct, because my god, Khali’s career.
JR would like me to note the athleticism of Great Khali.
Done.
The match kind of drags, but, okay yeah, this is pretty cool:
And hey, look! Cena’s really, really effing strong:
Somewhere Mason Ryan is weeping.
So Khali got his mouth brushed like Colgate, John Cena retained, I added a little more knowledge to my wrestling base, and once again, Extreme Rules should have been the buttiest of all butt pay-per-views, but ended up being surprisingly entertaining.
The downside?
I really want a pudding cup.
The Mandible Claw 
ONS 2005 and 2006 are two of my favorite wrestling PPV’s of all time. The level of Vince ruining something I loved (ECW) that followed 2006 was so high, it poisoned a lot of great talent for me (I still hate on Bobby Lashley, and John Morrison, and thought I hated Edge until he retired, and realized I was a fool)., and it made me put down wrestling for a few years.
With the exception of the Dreamer, Punk, Sandman match, I’m not sure much fun can be had watching this, but I am eager to hear/see this from your cheerful perspective.
Monty Brown’s ‘Pounce” in TNA was hilaaarious. I think the way the announcer sold it every time always gave me a kick. I think I’m gonna go look that up now. Also, SHAAARK. Also: Personal life aside, I really emjoyed Melina as a wrestler. Sure, there was sex appeal. But more often than not, she actually looked like she belonged out there. In my opinion, of course.
I still don’t know what that personal life thing was about, but yeah, Melina was pretty serviceable in the ring and had some cool moves, which automatically puts her in a pretty high tier of Divas.
“After carefully making sure to have my headphones in, waking up my boyfriend with my enthusiastic rendition of Kane’s entrance music”
Were you singing along to “Slow Chemical”!? Please say YES.
…brb, gonna go listen to “Slow Chemical” 5x in a row.
Ok, I am back, only listened to “Slow Chemical” twice. Where was I? OH WOW SHARK!!! That’s a lamp too isn’t it? I’m sure it is because I have one just like that but it is a Spongebob lamp…As a reminder, I am 25 years old, married and have a 4 month old son.
One should never stop being a kid at heart. :D
It is kinda mindblowing that the big dumb glass cannon we knew as Batista and his rarely better than passable mic skillz & charisma (& anything else that translates to successful anything aside from bigness) is actually turning out to have a fairly legit acting career.
I really got into Batista from the moment he told Rey Mysterio that he was going to RIP HIS HEAD OFF. That and Batista’s feud with Cena towards the end of his run with WWE was pretty great stuff IMO.
Really enjoyed this and hope it becomes a regular thing.
I liked Melina for most of her WWE stint. Was this match around the time she succumbed to her personal demons and stopped being good?
Was Cena getting mega pops from the crowd or did they turn on him at this point? It’s always weird to see his match versus JBL and hear literally everyone in the building cheering for Cena.
That was a weak HLA kiss. /Can’t believe HLA was a thing.
Good write-up to a shitty PPV. The Edge/Batista match was my favorite part. Especially with the surprise ending.
I love these and would read a thousand of them.
Please recreate more matches via paper dolls, thank you!
Also, this whole thing is great.
What Brandon said, pretty much. Please write millions of them all the time.
This was fantastic. If you do more you should limit yourself to PPVs you can find for 4.99 or less, VHS would be preferable. That way you’re really getting the cream of the crop
/Pushes all of the +’s across the table.
You win, lady. Best in the world.