That Chikara Thing We Do, Episode 3: Nailz-ed It

7 May

Nailz

This week on the podcast we don’t actually have a name for but keep posting anyways: Robert Newsome recaps events of the most recent show he attended in Porterdale, GA, Danielle got some first-hand confirmation from Delirious, and then the podcast quite literately falls apart at the mention of Nailz.

WARNING: HEREIN LIE CHIKARA SPOILERS, AND GRAPHIC DISCUSSIONS OF THE WWF WRESTLER NAILZ. 

That Chikara Thing We Do, Episode 3: Nailz-ed It

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17 Responses to “That Chikara Thing We Do, Episode 3: Nailz-ed It”

  1. twofistededitor May 7, 2013 at 2:31 pm #

    There’s nothing wrong with “Crazypants Chikara Podcast”

  2. Baudrilol May 7, 2013 at 7:03 pm #

    Re: Delirious, isn’t the just the head booker at RoH? (http://pwtorch.com/artman2/publish/ROH_News_29/article_43148.shtml)

  3. Robert May 7, 2013 at 7:08 pm #

    What’s a “booker”?

    • Baudrilol May 7, 2013 at 7:21 pm #

      Crap I fell in the sarchasm :(

  4. Jessica Hudnall May 7, 2013 at 7:11 pm #

    If I wanted to remain anonymous, I would not have submitted my crazy-pants theory.

    It’s okay, though!

  5. Jessica Hudnall May 7, 2013 at 7:26 pm #

    Oh, also, I’m pretty sure I majorly goofed in forgetting the Osirian Portal in my list of time-displaced entities. D’oh

  6. jonmfingwieting May 7, 2013 at 9:30 pm #

    Have we considered how the Tim Donst vs Hallowicked feud plays into this? Hallowicked is a member of the Spectral Envoy which seems to be the most obvious answer as to who is fracturing the time line purposefully. Eddie Kingston back fisting people around the time line occurs accident and out of his obsession with retaining the title. If we are to believe as the paper that was handed to Mr. Newsome is accurate, everything Tim Donst does is for a reason outside of selfishness; therefore, Tim Donst starting a feud based on being the greatest Young Lion’s Cup Champion with Hallowicked is just his way of trying to set the time straight where he is the greatest young Young Lion’s Cup champion not Hallowicked. Though greatest is a subjective term the announce team seemed dead set on making us believe it’s Hallowicked as opposed to Frightmare, Fire Ant, or even Jigsaw. This is an instance where Tim Donst directly fails in trying to fulfill his supposed mission to fix the time line, more-so, he fails against a person that is either close to the source(UltraMantis Black) of the manipulated events or has direct knowledge of how the source is manipulating events.
    His next significant actions are to target the Grand Champion, Eddie Kingston. Time Cop Donst is doing so because Eddie Kingston is placed as the Grand Champion illegitimately. If UltraMantis has power to disrupt events to benefit him we are forced to ask why no members of the Spectral Envoy are title holders, the answer is that they are targeting things of greater prestige. The most media noted part of Chikara is the King of Trios, which The Spectral Envoy are. As stated prior Hallowicked is considered the greatest Young Lions Cup champion. It can be argued that the Envoy are advancing themselves further than could via having the title. Also having Kingston holding the title helps Mantis throw people around the time line into beneficial positions.
    I believe Gekido to be the alternate time line(reality) versions of the the characters they parody. Eddie Kingston back fisted every person Gekido mirrors expect Solider Ant, whom reacts the most violently to the Gekido trying to rip masks of immediately and frequently. The existence of Gekido members during King of Trios aided the Envoy immensely, both versions of the colony lost in the first round. Mike Quackenbush post injury via 17 was more concerned with destroying the invaders than he was with keeping his trio a well run coherent unit. Before the event started UltraMantis had used Kingston to remove five former Kings of Trios.
    Two other teams were affected by a time travel character, Matt Classic(Who is Colt Cabana, who Kingston has faced. Matt Classic is Colt Cabana from a different time line). Matt Classic’s existence in the current time line caused the defeat of both F.I.S.T. and The Throwbacks (who contain a Dasher Hatfield that has been back fisted though I’m super sure how that affected him). By the throwing Classic onto the Throwbacks it moved Drunkerton onto F.I.S.T. Dunkerton being on F.I.S.T. and being unwilling to play F.I.S.T type games is arguably what allowed the Envoy to defeat them The teams that did well were the teams that were distanced from the Chikara Universe, Sendai Girls, and Ring of Honor. There were other teams who were distanced from the Universe, WWF, Team Extreme, Faces of Pain, and JWP but they were faced with substantial opposition or on the opposite side of the bracket from the Envoy. The only teams didn’t talk about here leads me to my next talking points, The Batiri and 3.0.
    The Batiri and thier allies, Delirious and Ophidian all relate to UltraMantis Black. None of them can talk effectively, neither can Frightmare and Hallowicked. All of these characters are were either brought into Chikara by UltraMantis or they are aligned to him. Could the incoherence be a product of them vibrating in the time line? Them being part of consecutively running timeline at the same time as being part of the time line UltraMantis is building. It is reasonable to state these characters could tell us what the devious one is up to, provided they could all find a way to speak in an understandable way. The two with the best audible skills(Ophidian speaks in riddles and Delirious in things I can’t describe) and arguably the most intelligent are the two that feuded the most vehemently and most vaguely with Mantis. Ophidian stole Mantis’ staff for what appeared to be REASONS?!?!?! but couldn’t this him trying to prevent Mantis from destroying the time line and failing at Chikaraus Rex. Delirious also remerged roughly at that time and targeted UltraMantis immediately and protected the speechless and motiveless Batiri. In the moments following the Batiri vs. Del Ray(who according the theory about the BDK is a Time Cop but a apparently a very disinterested one) and Saturyne Delirious says something to The Batiri who are very receptive of his affections. They could possibly know the danger that UltraMantis presents. They however fail to stop him at King of Trios.
    The other unmentioned King of Trios team is 3.Akuma. Two out of three members are 3.0 the other is a F.I.S.T. exile(I’ll get F.I.S.T later). The only group benefiting more in the time frame I’m talking about is 3.0, they have won Le Campeon de Parejas twice and hold it currently. 3.0 doesn’t seem to have the ability to time travel, do magic, or really anything but be fun wrestlers with lighting bolty tights. This is the biggest question in this whole time fracture theory. Why is 3.0 thriving in the Mantis influenced Universe? The only theory I can begin to muster is that they are Canadians. We’ve seen interesting countries play very important in Chikara(WHAD UP Switzerland?!) Is it beyond the realm of the thought that the very canadian 3.0 is involved with or immune to UltraMantis’s deviousness? In fact, some of the only success those fighting for the time line in my theory have had were in Canada, with Ophidian stealing the staff and Donst taking Hallowicked’s mask near Canada(Interesting note, both happened near Niagara falls. Could that be the epicenter of the time tumult were reality is closest to it’s origin?). It is possible that Campeon de Parejas section of reality hasn’t been tampered with yet.
    If we follow the Dasher was always super mean then we have to follow that Icarus was super good.If Icarus was always a very positive dude then we never would have went on to kick Akuma out of F.I.S.T and if Akuma was always in F.I.S.T. then we would never had 3.Akuma in the King of Trios an alignment that weakened both sets of teams and allowing The Spectral Envoy to win the King of Trios.
    Theoretically UltraMantis doesn’t have enough power to create his own matches but Wink Vavasseur does. This where my theory gets a bit muddy. Wink could be allowing UltraMantis to change the time line or he might not know what Mantis is doing. The King of Trios of bracket was built for the Envoy to win and giving the champion any match he wants is what is allowing Kingston to open time ripples. The big question is really what is the relationship between Wink and Mantis?

    • jonmfingwieting May 7, 2013 at 9:30 pm #

      My pants. They went crazy.

  7. PeterParker May 8, 2013 at 2:16 am #

    I object to you guys saying “The Colony has fallen apart” The Portal fell apart, the Throwbacks fell apart, The Colony was torn apart by Wink. There is a difference. Actually The Colony was the only stable pulled apart by all the sabrmetric stuff.

    Also for your “UltraMantis Black = Ozymandias” theory. There’s a pair of other obvious people to look at for an Egyptian themed costumed fighter. Amasis or Ophidian could be the ones pulling the strings too. Or perhaps the Osiris they constantly speak of/were sent by.

    And to Danielle’s “Ares being a member of the Vavasseur family” theory, that doesn’t make complete sense. Wink screwed Ares out of the CDP (sorta) by not allowing Derek Sabato to officiate the CdP match at Reality is Relative. Unless maybe they’re family that don’t get along.

    And for your request for Batiri Theories, this isn’t something I made up personally but there is a theory that when Delirious destroyed the Eye of Tyr he absorbed it’s powers, when he inducted all 3 members of The Batiri into his dark army (Ophidian too) he kissed them on the head similar to how when Ultramantis first used The Eye on Delirious but putting up against his forehead, perhaps the reason they’ve in no way fractured is because they’re not really themselves. They’re being coerced by magic (?) to be members in Delirious’s cause. And the cause isn’t working because after using the Eye (sort of) Delirious didn’t get rid of it (however that would work.)

    Anyway another great podcast, Chikara is literally the only wrestling company on the planet you could spend hours theorizing about storylines for like this.

    • m May 9, 2013 at 9:04 pm #

      I agree about The Colony.
      The “Great & Devious” Ultramantis Black would not fully work with the Ozymandias analogy for another reason as well: the thing about Ozy being the “villain” in Watchmen was that he was above suspicion until the last issue-and-a-half, like that one movie where the crippled guy is actually the villain, or that other movie with the same plot and Samue-L. Jackson. Peck doing this intentionally to destroy the timeline would work better since he’s so beloved and often treated as a goofy comedy wrestler.
      One of the things about the Nordic mythology Eye of Tyr is that it is placed to the forehead to symbolize the “all-seeing third eye,” which also sort of trivializes Danielle & Robert’s “another Eye of Tyr” theory, unless there are 2 remaining Eyes.

  8. Anonymous May 8, 2013 at 2:32 pm #

    The episode of Podcast a Go Go where Dasher was “locked” into his current form (he always reverted back to the generic CAW at the end of the season) Louden Noxious was also in the same explosion, causing him to revert to his admitted past self (in a pre-show song from Easton) Gavin Loudspeaker. Did he revert? Did he switch places? Are both Louden & Gavin currently in our time stream? Is this why he has become a target of Donst’s of late?

  9. Ryan May 9, 2013 at 11:41 am #

    At the event “More Songs About Buildings and Food” on 10.29.2004, Darkness Crabtree challenged Lance Steel to a bevy of matches (Submission Match, Hardcore Match, Falls Count Anywhere Match), only to lose in a matter of seconds in each one. Eventually, Crabtree makes a No Time Limit, No Countout match that eventually goes off-camera and outside the building. This match reached its conclusion at the event “Cibernetico Cometh” the next night, with Crabtree submitting to a Boston Crab. At 23:36:00, it’s the longest match in Chikara history (the third-longest match was the Cibernetico that very night). However, given both Lance Steel and Darkness Crabtree’s capacities for time travel, it’s entirely possible that their No Time Limit, No Countout Match is still going on right now somewhere in the past or future; the only guarantee is that the match must end on 10.30.2004 in Emmaus, PA. With Crabtree and Steel having a hardcore match across the spectra of time, trading chops at the Pyramids and going hold-for-hold at the Great Wall of China, who knows how many events they’ve distorted by fighting in the past.

    • m May 9, 2013 at 8:51 pm #

      A wayward big boot through a German bakery store window began Kristallnacht…

  10. m May 9, 2013 at 8:49 pm #

    This is all so much fun!

    I’m working on a chronological timeline of Archibald Peck. One cool thing I found while trying to explain how Peck went from Philly in 2012 to Hill Valley, CA in 1885 (effectively transporting not only 127 years into the past, but across the country as well) was that there was a Rear Admiral in the US Navy named Robley Dunglison Evans, who was sometimes referred to as “R. D. Evans.” Barrister RD Evans referred to Peck as his “client” and referred to himself as “the world’s foremost expert on time-travel law” so I am speculating that Peck knew his time-travel lawyer’s family history and went west hoping to find the ancestor and hoping he’d know something about time-travel to get Peck back to the present. I fudged the dates: RADM. Evans sailed from the east coast around the Straits of Magellan to San Francisco in 1908, and would’ve actually been closer to Philly in 1885, because I’m working this Alex Jones-style and obscuring actual facts if they interfere with the narrative. Also, I’m assuming Peck just traveled back in time and there was no spatial displacement inherent in the time displacement.

    Also, there has to be a reason why Peck adopted a cowboy disguise if he was in the past where no one knew his identity and he would therefore have no reason to hide his face. Possible reasons for this include:
    -Peck appeared in 1885 in Philly and lived there for some amount of time before committing some transgression or social faux-pas that necessitated his becoming a disguised “outlaw.”
    -Same as above, only taking place entirely in Hill Valley.
    -Peck experienced the past as himself, only donning a mask upon his return to Chikara. There is no explanation for why this would occur as it would require Peck having knowledge of his status as a persona-non-grata in Chikara’s present, though he has not yet lost the loser-leaves-town match until some time in his future.

    And let’s all start using the hashtag #ArchibaldPeckTruth, do it up real nice…

  11. cero2k May 9, 2013 at 10:53 pm #

    Just something that really caught my attention. Dasher cannot become rudo now, because in the chikara world we have now, there are no more tecnicos and rudos, the site made away from this already and we’ve seen tecnicos like Quack do rudo stuff like he did to the swarm and 17.

  12. ADM May 14, 2013 at 1:47 pm #

    I don’t know what the policy for reading the comments of a week old post at this point, but I was a little late in listening to latest podcast, and have had a couple of thoughts buzzing around my head for a while, and I need to find a way to expel them.

    One: Has anybody seen the trailer for June 2nd Aniversario show, “No Compromise”? I’ll admit my Chikara knowledge is very lacking, AND I’ve only been following for about a year, but does it seem odd that the Chikara name is broken in the trailer? That is starts fragmented, and then explodes into dozens of little pieces as the words “No Compromise” push through it?

    Now, could this be just a stylish design, or could someone be trying to tell us something? And if they are, then who are they? I don’t know who does the production for Chikara. I always assumed it was Quack himself, but if he is off the roster, then who is working on it? The logical answer would be someone working for either Wink Vavasseur or the WMDCorp. But neither of those would make any sense if someone is trying to get a message across. Maybe there is a mole in the Chikara production team.

    The second thing that’s been bugging me is about Tim Donst. I completely understand why, if Donst is a Time Cop, or one of the remaining members of the time stream self-guarding group the BDK, he would go after both Eddie Kingston AND Hallowicked. But why Gavin Loudspeaker? For the past few weeks he has been frantically harassing Loudspeaker for reasons that I completely don’t understand, including but not limited to cutting his hair twice, at least, and locking him in a closet.

    Now, given that Loudspeaker does not seem to have any time-based connections unless Donst really IS just the crazy nihilistist that he appears to be there must be another reason for this. I came up with a few theories, which I’ll go over in a minute, but none of them felt right. Then this morning I was reading the blogs on the Chikara website, and read one by Loudspeaker from May 10th. After stating his case and pleading with the Director of Fun for intervention he said something that stuck out to me. He asked for someone to have a match with Donst on his behalf. He references Green Ant, fine, and Gran Akuma, ok, and finally one Mr. Eddie Kingston. This set off a red flag for me.

    What if Donst’s is just a happy lone solder? What if he isn’t a stalwart time guard? What if every member of the BKD was SUPPOSE to disappear back to someplace else, but two didn’t. What if Donst isn’t’ suppose to be here and the longer he remains the more desperate he becomes to find a way to return home. I can definitely say that eating the hair of a cheerful, singing announcer sounds like the acts of a desperate man, of a caged animal. Maybe his attacks on Loudspeaker are an attempt at getting someone to stop him. Maybe he is trying to get BackFisted to the Future.

    Now I know he has had multiple matches with Kingston, not the least of which being a few weeks ago. But he is still here. And if he knows that Kingston is his only chance to go home, then whose to say he wouldn’t do everything in his power for just one more match, when he can’t just go ask for one when Kingston has to defend the Grand Championship at every show. Maybe he needs Loudspeaker to get him another chance. (As a side note, does Chikara have a system for Grand Championship bouts? I know you need three points to challenge for the Campeones de Parejas, but it seems like Kingston’s opponents are completely at Mr. Vavasseur’s discretion. Funny that. Seems like a excellent way to control who has a shot again the only path of Time Travel we presently know.)

    The second, though admittedly unlikely, scenario is that Donst is trying to nudge Loudspeaker into transitioning from his role of announcer into that of active wrestler. Though Loudspeaker makes very clear in the same blog entree that he is “NOT a pro-wrestler” that doesn’t mean he isn’t suppose to be. And if Quackenbush is never suppose to be a member of the Chikara roaster maybe Loudspeaker is. The downside to this theory is that given the limited number of dates left before the end of the time space continuum, it would seem that adding one more person to the roaster MAY be nit-picking. (Unless he has a more important role to play then signing and announcing.)

    Another possibility that I have kicked around has to do with Loudspeaker having a possible connection to one Louden Noxious of Kaiju Big Battel. Given their inclusions in National Pro Wrestling Day we can’t BUT assume that Kaiju Big Battel and Chikara exist within the same Universe. (Or else that show would have to be some kind of multi-verse nexus point it self, and that seems unlikely.) Now, I’m not sure if a connection has ever been implied before, but I think we can all agree there is a striking similarity between the two announcers/hosts. And if we can believe that there can be multiple Archibald Pecks in our time stream, then why can’t Loudspeaker and Noxious really be the same persons but from different timelines. Or if Donst is really a temporal white hat then this may have something to do with Kaiju’s big bad, the devious Dr. Cube.

    I’m not sure if any of these possibilities mean anything, or even if I have my information straight. They could all be completely unconnected. But at this point, can we look at anything and think it’s unconnected?

  13. Clouder May 16, 2013 at 5:45 pm #

    Just a quick one, your podcasts got me poking at the various sites you mentioned, including the Titor Conglomerates. Neat little tidbit, they own Rogue Brains, the company who was supposed to be working on a Chikara video game a while back.

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