Chikara Time Theories: You Wanna Get Nuts? Okay, Let’s Get Nuts!

Brave soul, rad lady, and self-professed expert Jessica Hudnall has courageously stepped forward to put her name to the latest Chikara time-travel theories. Godspeed, little doodle.

The initial intentions behind this paper were simply to discuss what, if any, role either of the time-displaced noble knights Lance Steel and Lance Steel plays in Robert Newsome’s Chikara Time Theory. However, as thoughts honed and diagrams were hastily scribbled upon any loose scraps of paper at hand, it became quite clear that both Lance Steels’ status in the time field was only thebeginning of a much larger overarching theory, or series of theories.

The first theory is simplistic enough, but, if true, the ramifications are far-reaching, yet unknown to what degree they would play in Newsome’s Theory. Stated thusly, ‘Beyond the two Lance Steels and two Archibald Pecks, Chikara has at least eleven other time-displaced entities. They are: Dasher Hatfield, Matt Classic, Lince Dorado, Helios and Equinox (Collectively known as The Future Is Now, a nod to their temporal distorting attributes), Darkness Crabtree, the true Vokoder, Sidney Bakabella, Blaster McMassive, Max Smashmaster, and the unnamed third Devastation Corporation member.’ With the exception of Crabtree, all of the named entities have at one time, or currently display some aspect of being from another time. Crabtree, however, is simply an old wrestler, but it is my  theory that he is in fact a current member of the Chikara roster’s future self that has gone back in time to our present day, though for what purpose is currently unknown. Should this be found to be true, Crabtree’s true identity would possibly provide some clues as to why he traveled to the past, yet at this time, wild speculation is the only available avenue. Vokoder is a special case, as the concept of Vokoder has been used as a means of subterfuge, with pre-established Chikara wrestlers being ‘Under the Hood’ so to speak. However, I believe there is a true Vokoder, sent from the future that served as the inspiration to Tim Donst and Larry Sweeney to disguise themselves thusly. Should this entire theory hold water, that would mean no less than fifteen miniature rips in the space-time continuum in Chikara, an entirely unstable prospect, which leads to my next theory.

This second theory came about in the same fashion most of my better works have germinated. I explored Robert’s Chikara Time Theory and made a modification to it that better suited my thinking. This theory is, ‘Everything up until Season Twelve has been an alternate timeline, and the changes we are seeing now is the fracture beginning to correct itself.’ Wink Vavasseur did not award the 2011 King of Trios to the Colony: Xtreme Force because he is petty and self-serving, or he wants his manufactured Colony to be accepted, he did it because in the correct timeline, Orbit Adventure Ant, Missile Assault Ant, and Arctic Rescue Ant were the actual winning Trio. Dasher Hatfield is considering cheating and exhibiting rudo tendencies because in the proper timeline, Dasher Hatfield has always been a dastardly rudo (Not to the levels of Ty Cobb, perhaps, but never such a cherubic embodiment of do-goodery), and the alternate, technico version of Dasher is fading away. Mike Quackenbush wasn’t fired from Chikara because of the No Private Army information packet he received (If that is indeed what he was given), or for clashing with Wink, but because Mike Quackenbush has never been a member of the Chikara roster. This theory does share some concepts with Robert’s CTT, mainly that it, at least partially, began with Eddie Kingston delivering a Backfist to the Future to Archibald Peck, and then Peck receiving another backfist from Buford “Mad Dog” Tannen, sending Peck forward in time. However, it is my belief that Peck was sent to the future (From 1885’s perspective) to just prior to the founding of Chikara. This is what disrupted the timeline, making everything we have seen to be an alternate reality.

The fix for this comes in the form of the Bruderschaft des Kreuzes. The two founders of the BdK were Ares and Claudio Castagnoli, both Swiss wrestlers. Two of the main features of Swiss culture are clocks and neutrality. Being from a nation that so highly values clocks, it stands to reason that Castagnoli and Ares are both sensitive to disturbances in the time field, and only a threat as large as the complete collapse of the universe due to time manipulations would instigate the Swiss to invade Chikara. Due to their overwhelming Swiss-ness, the BdK was averse to dragging Chikara into the proper timeline (Which is fortunate, as a dramatic chronal shift can be disastrous), instead opting to nudge things in subtle ways so that the proper timeline could take over in due course. After causing enough changes to transpire (Or at least leave them on the precipice such that no other action could take place but the intended result), the majority of the BdK simply faded from existence in Chikara, as all well-trained time enforcement units are prone to do. Tim Donst and Jakob Hammermeier remaining on the roster can be interpreted several ways. They might be a patrol-level group, making sure that the proper timeline takes root, which would be necessary with Eddie Kingston, a man that possesses a temporal-distorting backfist and the unhinged, violent personality giving him the propensity to use it at random, in the company.

Alternatively, Donst and Hammermeier might have never been fully actualized members of the time repair crew, and their continued existence in any timeline in Chikara has a negligible impact. However, due to Donst’s initial role in Chikara as punching bag for Kingston’s Backfist to the Future and the presence of what I presume to be clockwork gears on his singlet, he is likely to be the sole time cop left to make sure the proper timeline takes root.

Returning to the original query of what role, if any, either of the time-displaced noble knights, Lance Steel and Lance Steel, play into the perceived time disruptions currently going on in Chikara. There is a possibility, albeit quite slim, that one or both Lance Steels are an unstuck in time Archibald Peck. If Peck can travel to 1885 from one Backfist to the Future, and then forward to 2012 from another, it is not outside the realm of possibility that he could also be transported to 1066 and then back to present day as well.

As to the theory that UltraMantis Black is at least partially responsible for some of these machinations, that appears highly plausible. A brief perusal of Chikara’s roster from before Season Eleven and now in Season Twelve shows that most tag teams, stables, and loose affiliations have undergone significant upheaval. The Colony has exchanged Soldier Ant for AssailAnt, while Soldier Ant briefly commanded the new Colony: Xtreme Force. F.I.S.T. replaced Gran Akuma with Johnny Gargano, and has since added Sugar Dunkerton, with his gap in The Throwbacks being filled by Mark Angelosetti. Rather than continue on with common knowledge, it should be pointed out that UltraMantis Black’s own group, The Spectral Envoy has remained entirely intact and whole throughout this time, a spectacular feat considering the general disarray experienced by the rest of the roster.

Unfortunately, these theories are sparsely detailed, a result of their embryonic state. Given more time, assistance, and a moderate research budget, it is without question that these postulations will coalesce into multi-faceted, strenuously examined theorems that can withstand the most vigorous of questioning and yield satisfactory results. Additionally, I am simply not as well-versed in Chikara’s history and lore as the more scholarly Newsome and Matheson, and as such, some of my knowledge, including information pertaining to Lance Steel, among others, has been osmotically obtained. I am engaging in ongoing active research to avoid any misconstructions or conflating any information. If this text contains any misinformation or fallacy, please be aware that it is not intended as a misrepresentation of the truth so as to force facts to match my theories, but simply an inadequate understanding of how various events in the past actually happened.