Submitted For The Approval of the Chikara Conspiracy Theorists Society

23 May

While Robert Newsome and I are busy poring over events and promos and basically everything Chikara-related for the past year and a half, let’s go over some reader submissions.  We love you for sending these, and also not having us committed against our wills.

For science!

For science!

Some speculation on Tim Donst from super rad dude Lee. If you ever get the chance to hang out with him at a Chikara show (or in general, do it. He is a delight. I mean, just check this cool mothereffer out.

So I’m watching the 3/8 show and I’m starting to think that Donst has an inkling about what’s going on, but not the whole idea.

Donst’s new catchphrase has been that Karma isn’t real. Karma is the law of cause and effect, neither of which has been working real well lately. Timeline messing about will end up having that effect. After he sabotages Jakob’s attempt to win the Young Lion’s Cup from Mr. Touchdown, he goes into the ring and explains that destiny doesn’t want him to be grand champ, and destiny doesn’t want Jakob to be YLC champ.

This, to my mind, brings up two possibilities:

1) Donst is trying to repair the timeline. He was going to be the champ, but that’s not the way the timeline is supposed to go, so he’s sabotaging it to prevent further damage to the time/space continuum.

2) Donst, in this darker timeline, should have won the Grand Championship from Eddie Kingston at Under the Hood, but the universe prevented it from happening. He now knows that something is wrong, but doesn’t know exactly what.

I’m leaning towards the second explanation, because I think there are several other people who should be grand champ instead, in the “real” timeline – namely Archibald Peck or whoever is manipulating the timeline. Archie could have won, but he was backfisted out of time in Chicago. Icarus as a good guy is an indication that something is seriously wrong with our reality – perhaps that’s going to be what severs the timeline permanently.

One other thing going through my mind: what’s happened to all of the folks who are getting removed from the roster page? Are they going to suddenly reappear at Never Compromise? With the appropriate belts assigned? Or is there going to be a factional battle between the “real” Chikara and the “dark timeline” Chikara?

One other other comic book parallel – Crisis on Infinite Earths, where DC collapsed all of the various alternative universes into one “real” reality. All of the other realities were destroyed, although there were some survivors from other realities who made it into the one “real” one. But there had to be the defeat of the force that wanted to destroy ALL of the realities – who could that be? Is Archie the real driving force behind all of this? Is he the Anti-Monitor?

If that’s true, a few ideas:

  • Donst is a true wild card, because I’m legitimately not sure which reality he’d prefer to live in.
  • Jakob would probably want to be back in the original reality, which could set up a battle between him and Donst.
  • Colony Xtreme Force belongs to this darker universe.
  • AssailANT is from the darker timeline, but “belongs” now to the original reality.
  • Quack could come back from his descent into hatred as the true force for good, but may have to sacrifice himself for the good of Chikara.
  • Devastation Corp vs. 3.0 could be a microcosm of all of this. 3.0 defeats Devastation Corp, but should that have happened in the original timeline? How much do the titles mean to them, if returning to the original timeline means that they’ll have to give up the belts?

One thing I really hope for, if all of this is true: this shouldn’t be a morality play. I do hope it turns into a battle for the future of Chikara, “dark timeline” vs “original timeline” but certain people are going to have to decide which side they’re on. And there are legitimate free agents – where would Eddie Kingston join up? He’s the protector of Chikara in many ways, but as he’s become angrier and angrier, he’s tapped into something new and he may be seduced by that power.

Finally (I think) – could this storyline progress further? Could Cibernetico and then the season finale revolve around the resolution of this dichotomy? That would be a hell of a storytelling trick, but if anyone can pull it off, it’s Chikara.

batiri

Philip Rosenbaum‘s Batiri Theory (Batheori!), slightly relieving because he may be crazier than we are:

Let us assume that space and time are inexorably linked, because of course they are. As has been written about time and again in science fiction for a century, when something upsets the space-time continuum…THINGS come through. Enter the Batiri. This doesn’t answer the question of whether they came through of their own volition or whether they were pulled/summoned forth, but it may be able to explain WHAT they actually are. Two demons and the Prince of Goblins? I hardly think so.

I think those are just labels they were able to apply to themselves to hide their true nature: eldritch abominations. I’m not saying that they are Old Ones on the level of Cthulhu, because we’re still here. It’s not a stretch to think that they are followers/heralds of such a deity, though; they may in fact be minor deities in their own right. Their increased levels of success can be explained by them trying to cleverly keep their cover as well. They gradually “improve”, gain the points necessary to challenge for the Campeonatos de Parejas, but lose their title shot because winning would exhibit too much of their true power.

The alternative to that last bit is that 3.0 were able to retain because they are cyborgs unaffected by the space-time disturbances (why else is their collective name a version number?)

So short version: the Batiri are actually Cosmic Horrors thinly disguised pulled through the rift.

I will basically use any excuse to post this picture.

I will basically use any excuse to post this picture.

Fun fact: When Todd sent me this email, I was so doped out of my gourd on antihistamines and antibiotics and whatnot, that I composed a response in my head and may have hallucinated responding to it. As a result, he may now think I’m a horrible person, but he’s a super nice guy, and you should follow him on Twitter and also buy stuff from him.

I can’t say I have a ton of answers, but perhaps have a few more questions and areas to look at. I am glad you brought up Icarus using the Chikara Special, because I freaked out at Wrestlecon when that happened and was surprised that fans weren’t making a bigger deal of it. Here are a few other things in my head I have been trying to piece in:

Mysterium Populus – The mysterious contest that popped up at the first iPPV. What was the purpose and did anyone win. Just seemed to come out of nowhere, yet was integrated into Chikara events. I’m not convinced there is a tie into the rest of the story, as the timeframe for this was 1 year and that”s over. Although during the time that contest was going we started seeing Atlas Security at all events. Before and after the contest they weren’t around, at least to my recollection.

KingofTrios.com – Points to some home improvement contracting website. There is no King of Trios announced yet, but last year the site was still up with previous years info. There is a phone number on the website that sounds like a google voice number as well. Could this be hinting at an overahaul to the event? I’d hate for KOT last year to not exist as Night 3 was my favorite wrestling event ever.

I’m not a big fan of the Lance Steel time travel being a part of this storyline, but most everything else you discussed seems to fit. I think with Aniversario being the same date (6/2) as the Archie time travel event last year that we will see some big ramifications this year on the iPPV. The recently announced Envoy vs. CXF match just announced I think will probably be the key turning point.

 

So what do you guys think? Have any theories of your own to submit? Anything you’d like to add before Robert and I get balls deep in what we’ve been working on? Let us know! Time is running out. OR IS IT? I don’t know.

Until then, let’s all enjoy the new best gif ever, courtesy of Jessica/Mobsy/Greatest Human:

I will love this forever and ever and ever

I will love this forever and ever and ever (sorry LFC)

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6 Responses to “Submitted For The Approval of the Chikara Conspiracy Theorists Society”

  1. John Rosenberger May 23, 2013 at 1:13 pm #

    I have tried to develop my own theories but can’t think of anything to the level of all the work that’s been put forth here. Therefore, I figured I would ask some questions which I think might play in to the already expounded upon theory.

    I tried to ask this first question via twitter but between outside distractions and the 140 character limit, it came out as gobbledygook.

    Normally Chikara has been pretty good at getting their events announced and on sale in a timely manner. However, none of the shows after the Anniverserio show have gone on sale and there has not yet been any word with regards to Trios. Do you think this is an indication of a cataclysmic event set to happen at Never Compromise? One where perhaps timelines collapse throwing the future events of Chikara in to question?

    Also, what do you make of the fact that Archibald Peck’s visage (which Archibald, we don’t know) is featured prominently on the artwork for Never Compromise.

  2. Jessica Hudnall May 23, 2013 at 9:16 pm #

    The more theories, the better!

  3. vulpes82 May 24, 2013 at 1:12 pm #

    I assume you two have seen the reports/pictures of Lance Steel and Swamp Monster on the balcony at Chicago. Because that lends major credence to at least some of the original theories.

    Also, have you guys seen Icarus’s Marty Jannetty blog post where he talks about being bullied and needing someone in his corner? ICARUS IS MAKING ME CRY!!!! WHAT IS GOING ON?!1!!1!

  4. m May 29, 2013 at 11:09 pm #

    For the record. Ole Wrestling has a recent post regarding the Mysterium Populus. Curiously, a few seemingly chosen-at-random bloggers are receiving mysterious emails soliciting 3 Chikara related questions and promising to provide answers. One question concerning the Mysterium Populus, revealed that it is/was an overt reference to a viral-before-viral-existed puzzle put out by Pink Floyd coinciding with the release and tour to support their 1994 album The Division Bell. The Floyd puzzle, called Publius Enigma, was never solved. The mysterious answer emailer claimed that the Mysterium Populus was never solved, but, had it been, a 4-minute video “foreshadowing the events of season 12” would’ve been released, but now it never will. Goddamn, they are killing it with this story.

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